(one sent letter, one unsent letter)

Background and update about the job (or should I say, nonjob) situation: After several weeks nannying (40+hours/week) for a family here in Chattanooga who paid me $7 per hour to care for their 3 kids (3, 5, 13) I finally got up the nerve to request a (deserved) pay raise. I sent this email to them about 1:00am on Tuesday morning, which briefly explained my desire to have a conversation about a pay raise:

"Heather and Mark,

This is rather an awkward email for me to write, but I feel that it must be done. The rocky start to my fourth week of full-time with the kids has confirmed to me something that I have been mulling over the past couple of weeks--namely, that we need to revisit the subject of my pay. Before I go into details, I do want to say that I am committed to doing what's best for your children, which as we have discussed, involves consistency. I don't want to cause an upset in their lives/routines by leaving, but some adjustment does need to be made.

In order to be both brief and clear, I am going to list below my defense of this request.

1. Minimum wage is being raised to $6.55 this month, which means that I will soon be making $.45/hour more than the bare minimum.

2. I don't feel that the service I've provided your family is worth so little. I have committed an entire summer to your schedule, requesting only one day off. I arrive on time, and have been flexible to stay later than expected when necessary.

3. I not only provide security for you by being reliable, but am well-trained to supervise pool time, as well as drive the kids to their various "spots." Additionally, these driving responsibilities have gradually increased from the original agreement of pick-up and drop-off of your kids at school/practice. They have involved other children, as well as trips to the dentist and pediatrician, where I am responsible to advocate for your children and ensure that all directions are communicated to you.

4. Discipline issues. As I type this, I have a slightly bruised eye from a deliberate punch thrown by Aidan in the middle of what has been reported by Susan as "calm, consistent" discipline after he repeatedly refused to serve his time out, said "shit" several times, and became physically and verbally violent. As we are all aware, this is not nearly the first time I've had these problems--problems which do not fall under the "regular kid-like behavior" category. I have confirmed that this behavior is abnormally violent not only with my own experience, but with my mother (who specialized in special education and early childhood) and other fellow childcare givers. In the weeks with Aidan, I have had some of my hair pulled out, been scratched (to bleeding), kicked, punched, bitten and spit on. I feel I have been VERY patient with all this, and have never crossed any sort of disciplinary line. I believe that after knowing me for 6 weeks, Aidan is not just "testing" me because I'm new. I realize that Aidan has a lot going on and is anxious about starting school, etc. I want to help him by providing consistency in his day, and through constructive play. I have tried to be creative in my approach to him, and have even sought the advice of others and consulted with you for ways to connect with him and get things under control. As much as I enjoy him during good moments, It is physically and mentally exhausting to handle Aidan during the day, regardless of how available Emily is to help.

In addition to the above reasons for feeling that I am not being fairly compensated, I have spoken with others in the childcare industry who all (in various parts of the country, including Chattanooga) make on average $12-$15/hour, but at least $10/hour for providing similar, even lesser services. Even Baylor camp [which Aidan attended for a week], which does not provide individual attention and care, costs approximately $9.80 per hour per child.

I hope that you will not receive this message as a hardened solicitation for money, but will instead see it as a carefully considered, reasonable request from someone who cares about your family."

How did they respond? Mark unexpectedly came home while I was babysitting on Tuesday (about 10:00am), asked to speak to me in the den, and said "We've decided to give you the rest of the summer off. We have someone to replace you, and it's too bad that things didn't work out."

WHAT?!? I was completely caught off guard, and he said that my "vacation" was effective immediately. So I walked to the next room where the boys were doing puzzles, said I had to go home, and left. Fired from a full-time position which was providing income that I depended on to save for the move to France in six weeks. I was livid that they would do this, and without even an explanation. I do feel sure that I did the right thing by standing up for myself and requesting a raise. And I feel sure that I don't want to work for people with so little regard for others. However, it's been quite a blow. If anyone in the Chattanooga area hears of some work that needs to be done, please let me know!

This morning I had a voicemail from the mother, in which she said, "I'm sorry things didn't work out, but the child you described in your email is not the child that I know. This must just be the result of conflicting personalities. Good luck in France, Aidan has a fever today so know you've been exposed to something." The child she knows...the child that she is hardly ever around and who she rarely bothers to discipline. I was (once again) furious that this couple would behave so badly, and composed the following email--which I won't be sending to them because I don't think it would do any good, and because it gets rather aggressive at the end:

"Heather and Mark,

I got your phone call this morning, and wanted to respond.

I feel you both handled things very unfairly. Regardless of how you felt about the wage situation or the way I represented your son in my email, you owed me a conversation. I was your employee, and I was extremely disappointed that after six weeks of dedicated service, you would go to the extreme of firing me with no warning or discussion. I presented no ultimatum to you in my email. I repeated that I wanted to do what was best by your family. All I asked was that we at least discuss the issue of my pay.

In order to show you why I felt this conversation was a reasonable request, I presented several defenses--one of which was the discipline trouble that I had with Aidan. Heather, you said in your voicemail that the child described in my email was not the child you know, and excused your treatment of me as the unfortunate result of "personality issues." I'm not sure how this is possible, since I said nothing about Aidan that I had not reported to you daily during the past few weeks. You were even there on the couch one day when Aidan punched me in the face and called me names as I followed through on the consequence I warned him about if he refused to sit in time-out. You could see that I was in no way abusing Aidan, and had even heard from your friend Susan on Monday that my course of discipline was completely appropriate. No matter what the "personality issues" were, Aidan's reaction was empirically unacceptable. For you to blame your child's behavior on my personality is a disservice to me, but more importantly, to Aidan. If he pays attention, he will have learned that when he treats people badly, his parents will simply make them go away--and he will have learned that his bad behavior gets results. He will also have learned that there is no reason for him to take responsibility for his own actions. I think that's sad for him.

But all that said--I want to go back to the first part of this email. Though I don't expect to get one, you owe me an apology. It was insulting and hurtful to be fired from a job with no warning, and the snarky comment "we have someone to replace you." I have said it before, but it bears repeating--I find it hard to believe that after I did everything I could to provide your family with the best service possible, I would be confronted the way Mark confronted me, without even an apology for removing my very much-needed income--much less an apology for the way his child(ren) acted. All of the sudden, I find myself unemployed 6 weeks from my departure abroad, and panicking about what I'm going to do about money. It would be a difficult situation no matter what, but I could accept this event much more easily if I had at least been treated with the respect of a conversation.

It is your prerogative to hire and keep who you choose, but rashly firing me (and it must have been rash, since I was fired at 10:00am the morning you received my email) leads me to conclude that your actions were the result of having your egos bruised by someone (again, respectfully) speaking truth about your family. Maybe you felt angry because there was an implication that Aidan was a bad kid or you were bad parents. Though I didn't mean to communicate that then, I certainly feel that, in light of recent events, you might be just that--bad parents. No wonder I've had behavior issues with the kids--they are learning from parents that don't set a good example of how to treat people and don't expect them to accept responsibility for their actions.

You're sorry things "didn't work out." I'm sorry that you don't have the integrity to apologize to me. And I'm sorry that your kids are going to have to deal with even more topsy-turviness in their lives because you can't put their needs ahead of yours enough to deal fairly with their caregiver."

Whew. Felt nice to get that out there. I should, henceforward, feel no need to vent about this situation--which those closest to me will probably appreciate.


On to better things, right?