...are you kidding me?

So, I'm beat, and getting ready to turn in for the night. Before I do that, though, I'm going to take this opportunity to say that I've return from a blissful few days at the beach in Hilton Head only to be smacked upside the...heart? with the realization that I'll only see each of my best friends (home and Berry) one more time before I leave for Paris. I'm sure anyone who knows me is sick of hearing me go on about this upcoming year. I admit, I get to feeling that way about myself from time to time. Nevertheless...how did this summer fly right through me? Even before I left, I saw going to Hilton Head as a marker of the end of my denial period. I knew that once I got back home, I wouldn't be able to buy into the delusion that this summer would never end, that just perhaps all might become once again homeful and perfect in the summertime, and that I wasn't headed into one of the scariest endeavors I have ever considered involving myself in.

You tell me that I got myself into it, and I can't refute that. I know I did. And the sensible part of me, the adventurous part, is still ready and excited. But as much as I'd like to feel otherwise, tonight I'm terrified. Wait, I've overused that word "terrified" lately. Tonight, I'm just plain old sad about leaving the people and life that I love here.Yes, I know it's not even going to be a year. And I know that it is an amazing opportunity. That my friends will still be here when I come home. That I'll learn th language. That I'll love it. There are lots of things I know. I also know that I'm fighting tears of dread at the moment. Call me ungrateful, I will agree with you. I am sure no one reading this could approve of my runaway emotions right now--I certainly do not. Yes, I'm excruciatingly aware that I'm being melodramatic, a girl, a sissy. But there it is. And at this point in time, there's not much I can do about it.

:::Disclaimer::: I'm very excited about this trip, I promise. It's just a bit of a Jekyl and Hyde thing, I think, that allows me to be simultaneously eager and frightened. I just happen to be the frightened one tonight. Don't think I don't want to go.